Monthly Archives: July 2017

“President Trump rearranged the pad of paper and glass of water on the table in front of him, and then leaned in with his best Celebrity Apprentice demeanor. I could tell right away that he liked being back in the chair. ‘Business is all about opportunity. Opportunity and success. And by success, I mean winning. A successful business has to win every time, against great, great adversity. Over the course of the last eight weeks you’ve done just that. Some weeks your team won, other weeks your team lost, but you all are still here. Still right here, on the show, still competing.

“‘Now it all gets very, very real. Two of you will be fired before the final four, and in the final four the whole show changes. The work, so much work, that you’ve all done has been great, phenomenal. But only the real winners will survive from this point forward. Only the real winners. That’s what we’re here to find out. Who the real winners are, and what their opportunities will be. Your challenge this week is to take all the work you’ve done and present a pitch to me for your product. Think of me as an investor trying to decide between the two, because, you know, I am, and convince me to buy in.’”

Coming Soon. Watch this space for details…

“Two of the other robed figures unfurled a large piece of fabric. It looked like a banner bearing the usual Pepe the Frog image and a bunch of nonsensical painted symbols. As they ran towards me, I saw that the banner was in fact a large blanket. My mind flashed on where I was standing. I was near the edge of the subway platform.

“Ordinarily, I would have worried about falling off. Or, for that matter, being pushed. But I had the pendant. So, I was more worried about answering questions for the police after the attack went wrong. Several of the Sons held weapons. I could see two baseball bats and a piece of pipe. It appeared their plan was to wrap me in the ‘containment structure’ and strike. I say ‘appeared’ because it failed miserably.

“As the two men with the blanket reached me, I felt a surge of power from the pendant and an urge to drop to the ground. The blanket missed me entirely. The momentum carried my attackers past me and right off the edge of the platform. I glanced down and saw them staggering to their feet, still stunned by the fall. The ‘containment structure’ lay across the third rail and was starting to catch fire.”

Coming Soon. Watch this space for details…

“The man with the sign kept it trained on me, while the other four rushed forwards, fists swinging. I stepped to the side as the first man reached me. He tripped over his long robe as he advanced, falling flat on his face. The second man tripped over him, piling on top of the first, on the hard concrete walkway. The two other men managed to step to either side of their tangled brethren. One attacked from the left and the other from the right, and I felt an irresistible urge to duck. Both fists passed just over my head, each connecting with the face of the man opposite. They both fell back, stunned, and landed in the grass to either side of the trail. All four attackers now lay on the ground, moaning. Meanwhile, the man with the meme folded up his Pepe the Frog poster and ran for it. Kek had lost the day.”

Coming Soon. Watch this space for details…

“The scene that followed was surreal. Five figures dressed in ugly green robes emerged from the woods that lined one side of the path. They were men in their early twenties, and a chill ran through me as I recognized one as the Nazi who had attacked me a week ago. His nose was still bandaged. One of the men pulled a poster from inside his robe and unfurled it. The sign bore a large image of Pepe, the cartoon frog, and a design that looked like a cross between a corporate logo and a kindergarten squiggle.”

Coming Soon. Watch this space for details…

“I never set out to become a hero or a symbol of the Resistance. I practically stumbled into it, actually. And as it turns out, I wasn’t such a normal kid after all. But I’ll get to that in a minute.”

Coming Soon. Watch this space for details…