I often joke with friends about how there’s no culture left because we used it all up. As evidence I point out all of the terrible Hollywood films that are either pointless remakes or rehashes of old television shows. Thankfully there’s still no big-screen version of B.J. and the Bear, a truly terrible show that Kevin Smith described in Mallrats as “there’s a concept I can’t get enough of – a man and his monkey!” In all fairness, though, if Kevin Smith were to write and direct it I probably would see it. That could be seriously hilarious.
Obviously as a writer I know from personal experience that there are new story ideas being written all the time, and I do think that Arcana would make a pretty cool film. It has interesting characters and a lot of action so it certainly wouldn’t be dull, and with the way the magick works the special effects budget wouldn’t have to be insane. It also would finally be a chance for Hollywood to put magical spells on film that don’t consist of wands or fingers that shoot glowing laser beams. I mean, does anyone in the world really think that genuine magick looks like that?
But I digress. What do I come across today online as the latest Hollywood bright idea? Rather than optioning my action-filled story about magick they are planning a film about – get this – the Magic 8-Ball! We must have reached the bottom of our cultural barrel if studio executives are digging through their childhood toy boxes looking for movie ideas. I do have to admit that Pirates of the Caribbean was way better than it had any right to be considering that it was based on a theme park ride, but how do you build a plot around the Magic 8-Ball? I mean, it’s not a character and it doesn’t really do anything.
Here’s my totally self-serving advice for Hollywood: film Arcana instead!